Hey, did you hear? Duke is out of the NCAA Tournament.
Yup. It’s true. After someone made the claim that March is ruled by chaos and that Duke would be unwise to try and coast despite being incredibly favored to win the whole thing, the Blue Devils got bounced by Michigan State in a single-point loss. Gee, who could have called that?
But with the end of Duke we also witness the end of Zion Williamson as a Blue Devil. In the coming weeks and months every sport outlet will inevitably have a Zion Watch about where this young man is headed for his professional career. If you want to know what this is the equivalent of, the answer is the Royal Wedding. That’s right everyone, this whole thing basically boils down to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: Basketball Edition.
So, like many of the bloggers out there talking about what traditions are going to be featured in the ceremony and how much Meghan’s dress costs, we’re going to take a look at five teams eyeing Williamson’s talents. What team will win the Zion sweepstakes, and what traditions (if any) will play a role? Let’s dive in and discuss.
1. New York Knicks
Tankathon has the Knicks as the team most likely to get the top pick of the draft. The Knicks desperately need Zion’s help. For some following the team, they’ve been rebuilding for years now. For others they’ve been rebuilding since Patrick Ewing was kept from getting a ring by Michael Jordan. The Knicks have previously had a battery of superstars come through, but none have really elevated New York to become competitive in the East.
2. Los Angeles Lakers
LA won the lottery last year when LeBron James joined the roster. They proceeded to tailspin throughout the season. On the court they couldn’t seem to put anything together to get wins consistently. Off the court there was drama rumors amok about LeBron or Lonzo or this or that (often fueled by Helicopter-Parent-of-the-Century LaVar Ball) with the foundation being “this team doesn’t have enough X to win” where “X” is whatever excuse the Lakers produced that week for not winning.
3. Chicago Bulls
The Chicago Bulls need Zion Williamson on their team because fans need hope through the offseason that they’ll finally be good again, only to have that hope crushed five games into the season when it turns out all the talent in the world can’t beat out poor management or coaching. Maybe I’m roasting Jim Boylen a bit harder than he deserves – the team has found their footing a bit since Boylen was named head coach mid-season and immediately caused so much drama in the locker room that the players had to have a players-only meeting to discuss things.
4. New Orleans Pelicans
The New Orleans Pelicans are kind of like that one kid on the playground with the Charizard Pokemon card, only if the Charizard card demanded to be traded and the kid held out even when another kid said “I’ll give you all my rares, including Raichu, Alakazam, and Mewtwo” because he was convinced that his Charizard was still worth more. Well, if that’s the case then Zion may be the Mew card that finally gets the kid to trade.
5. Cleveland Cavaliers
I initially intended to roast Stephen A Smith for saying he doesn’t want to see Zion Williamson in Cleveland, and since Stephen A Smith is wrong about most things, that should mean Zion should play in Cleveland.
That said, Zion going to the Cavs could be good for him. He’d be playing with established veteran in Kevin Love. And of course, he would be revered.
I get Smith’s concerns, but I don’t necessarily agree with his point – Zion to Cleveland would be great for both parties.